Kieran "STFU" Harper

What room's Michael in?

No, wait, forget it. The receptionist on the Creature-Induced Injury floor wants me and it's been a few weeks since I was last in. She'll tell me.

[Private to Eric]

You do know she never cheated on you with me, right?

So I guess no one's interested in tea then, hm?

[Male Slytherins Classes of 2023 & 2024, Michael Bletchley]

Anyone have any good ideas on how to fuck with Eric MacMillian?

Running out of ideas.

Now that I've actually got my own house, I can have every who was in my year over for tea like I'd talked about.

Maybe I'll even spring for the good marmalade, the kind without the fake jelly bits.

I've got a job now. It's boring. It's also the last place on earth I want to work, but it's a job. And Mum brings me lunch, which is nice, though I think Morag actually makes it.

No, it's not the Neo-purists. That's the second-to-last place I wanted to work and even they wouldn't hire me.


I need a shag date. Any takers? I can pay for your meal now.

I prefer a kiss to a hug.

[Private to Eric]

You're a lucky man.

I haven't fallen off the face of the earth, in case you were hoping.

I've just been busy with moving and all into my new place. Threw my cunt of a stepmother to the street. It wasn't her house anyway but boy was it funny to listen to her yell about me and about Mum.


Good riddance to her.

Well that's that.

For the record, I've never met any of these supposed Neo-Purist friends of my father's. Haven't even heard of any of them outside the trials, save MacDougal but only because that's Morag's crazy uncle with all the creepy ginger children who talk in unison.

His wife's got a nice rack.

Still can't find a job. Doubt it's going to be any easier now. It's almost like they want me to join the Neo-Purists and all, since it seems like that's the only place I think would want me. That or in the Muggle world, but that won't work - I'm a pureblood and I've never taken Muggle Studies.

Guess I should stay out of Hogsmeade for a while too now. Not a big deal though - aren't many pretty birds at the Three Broomsticks and the Hog's Head isn't good for meeting girls anyhow. They wear too many robes there for my usual "spill the drink down their top" trick to work. I guess I could try Godric's Hollow. Diversity is my middle name, after all.

Let's see how hard it is for me to find a job now.

I wonder how much it costs to change my last name.

This is certainly a surprise.

Looks like I don't get my own house after all.

I'm never going to have these songs out of my head again.

Fuel injection cut off and chrome plated rods, oh yeah
Go Greased Lightning!

All right. I'm fucking sick and tired of this. You can stop with your shit, you can stop your bloody throwing shit at me in the corridors, you can stop fucking yelling at me, asking if I'm going to kill someone too. For the record he hasn't killed anyone as far as I know.

Want to know? Want to know everything? Want to know how I can live with myself with a father like that? You must because you keep asking.


Fine. Most Harpers have been Slytherin. Runs in the family or something. My grandfather was a Death Eater and his father was a Death Eater. My father probably would have been a Death Eater if You-Know-Who hadn't been killed when he was 17. You want to know how I feel about that? I don't. It's just how it was.

I don't see my father much. Never did, really, since he and Mum never got married. Every other weekend at best starting when I was two, sometimes a bit more during the summer. Sometimes less if he was mad at Mum. Or if his wife found out he was sleeping with Mum again. She doesn't like me much, his wife. Well, that's an understatement. Mum got pregnant with me after my father married her. She's a fucking cunt anyhow. If he goes to Azkaban I'll get the house and I'll kick her out.

I've spent nearly my whole life living with Mum and Morag and Steve. I knew Steve before I ever knew my father. Steve was the one who fed me and changed my nappie and watched me take my first steps. My father would come over and shag my mom for the weekend and "see me" until I was old enough to come over and use the loo myself. Not saying he didn't care about me, but both he and Mum did a lot of stupid things and in the end it was always Steve who's been the bigger influence in my life than my father. He's the one I see nearly every day, well, except the days he's pulling double shifts at St. Mungo's.

Yeah. St. Mungo's. Funny that - he was one of the Healers who helped Mrs. Scamander.


So say whatever the fucking hell you want (because Merlin knows you will anyhow) but before you fucking say again that I'm just like him, that I'm going to kill someone too and the rest of that shit, why don't you think first. And then you can fuck off.

[Private]

Hope you're happy Adam. See if "being open" about things helps any.

Added Later:
Listen, I don't need shit. I'm fine. Go away.

I might be missing a lot of school this week. That also means I'll be missing Quidditch practise and Grease practise.


Sorry.

[Slytherin Quidditch Team]

Last game's on the 16th and I might have to miss some practises starting the 7th. Not positive yet - I'll let you know.

[Private]

Got a long letter from Steve today. Mum can't stop flipping out over the trial and whether or not she's going and if she does which side she'll sit on. Steve says if I want to go that either Adam or he will pull me out of school for it and take me, which is a lot coming from Steve. Sure know how he and my father feel about each other.

Dunno.

Steve says he thinks I should. Just really don't want to give this lot here at Hogwarts more fuel to add to the fire but he's still my father. Going sure will give me a chance to mock his wife at least. Guess Steve sent a bouquet to Mrs. Scamander's room at St. Mungos from all of us. That's nice. He also thinks I should talk about this shit. To other people. Dunno if I will, so this had better be good enough for now.

Morag sent a sudoku along too.

Go to class. If you're in my way I'm going to step on you.

All right listen

I am not my father.

First Memory.


My first memory is of my father. He was laughing, which honestly isn't something I see very much. He was sitting in a chair, a glass of sparkling juice in his hand (he doesn't drink, ever), and he was content. It's really not anything special or amazing, but it's the first one I've got.

I'll tell another early one though - I have two, really, but Naoko would kill me if I ever told the other, so I'll just tell the one. She actually might kill me for this one too, but I'll risk it. I could always kill her first. Steve was cooking dinner in our kitchen - not something that's entirely out of the ordinary, though these days he's on call so often at St. Mungos he rarely eats with us, and Mum was perched on the countertop, eating pieces of whatever it was he was cooking right out of the pot. They were laughing. She was having a grand time and even he had a pretty big smile on his face for Steve and then she leaned over and said something rather quietly and suddenly the pot was on the floor and the food was all over both of them and he looked completely shocked.

It's significant because that's when I found out I was going to be a brother.

Hm. 15 points. Not bad.


Not that there was much competition.

All right listen. If I find you saying shit about Emerson Mulciber, you're going to have to deal with me.

[Zoë Smith]

Go to the Valentine's Ball with me?